Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
my sisters under your porch take her home
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
