you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
