idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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