When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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