All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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