Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
