I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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