Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
