Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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