who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
