like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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