It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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