i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
