I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
My pussy is not your playground.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
