So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
