I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
