is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
