The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
