I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
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