worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
