upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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