Taylor Swift is so right about you.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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