for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
