Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
