just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize