wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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