Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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