this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
