Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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