Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize