I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
