The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
