you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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