The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
