it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
