you traded sex for a burrito?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
