Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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