u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
It's just like the Real World with babies
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
