ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
