Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
