I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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