I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
