All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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