the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
