OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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