Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Randomize