I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
