All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
