Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I met the friendliest cop last night
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
This is classic penis vs brain.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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