we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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