sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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