She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
