Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
