I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Randomize
