I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
