I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
