I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
