the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Acid is not a monday night drug
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
