so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize