Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
