Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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