he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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