Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
