The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
