No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
