It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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