I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
