Fine. I'll sleep in my office
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
