just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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