I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
