Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
