He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
