I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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