I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
