I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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