I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
