we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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