I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
