yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
