doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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